I just saw Les Miserable today and man was it amazing. I absolutely loved it. There was one character I feel like we have all related to in some degree at some point in our lives and that would be the amazing Eponine. If you don't know what the movie is about or about the characters, Eponine is in love with a man but he is in love with another woman and wants Eponine to help him get her.
Talk about ultimate wing man...
This is the epitome of "men and women can't be friends"...ya you can be friends that hang out once in a while or in groups but once you start hanging out very frequently and alone...one of the two ends up falling for the other. Ya in one person's eyes they are "just friends", but the other one is probably in love with them.
How bad does that suck...sitting there "smiling" while the person you are in love with tells you about how much they love some other girl...talk about sick stomach...but then again you just keep smiling, you nod, and you tell them how great she is. You do this because you know that SHE (whoever she is), even if you see it differently, she is the one who makes him happy. She is the person who HE wants...and that is why you just keep "smiling".
You care about him enough that you would rather let your heart break and ache so that he will be happy. You just accept the fact that you will never be the one to give him what he wants.
One of Eponine's lines are "But he never saw me there"...and that may be the worst feeling of all. Feeling like you gave so much, that you tried, you put yourself out there...but he never saw you there. Talk about stab at the self esteem.
I'd say Eponine's heart ache is on the highest degree of pain and most of us have just had the "wing man" effect. This is where a guy we have a crush on tells us all about the girl he has a crush on and we just have to sit and listen...or even worse he wants us to find a way to hook him up. It's like "hello! are you THAT oblivious??"
Ya that's just one of those things that we all have to go through in the dating world....isn't it just the greatest :D
I know that sounds dumb, but my advice for you is...keep smiling...and move on...if he doesn't want to be with you then it isn't worth forcing it.
Bueno Suerte
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Friday, December 28, 2012
Home is Where the Heart is
Wow what a great day! I feel so grateful for the people in my life. I went to lunch with some family friends (they are my 2nd family) and then I went to Leatherbys and to Temple Square with some friends. It honestly was probably the best birthday I've had that I can remember!
You know life is a wonderful thing and I've just come to realized its not always about what you do, its about who you do it with. I mean I can be doing the dumbest things with these people and it will end up being the funnest/funniest thing I've ever done. Temple square was just a happy time with all my friends and I am so grateful that they put their night aside to spend it with me.
Next time you're doing something, keep in mind the blessing it is to have those loved ones with you because honestly it wouldn't be the same without them. Everything exciting and fun I've done has been made ten times better because of the people I got to do it with. I am so grateful for the people in my life and the joy they've brought to me.
I honestly don't think I stopped smiling for a minute on my birthday because I was just so happy to be with my friends and family. So keep in mind..."Home is Where the Heart is"...it is the truest statement I think I've ever heard.
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
False Perceptions
My Christmas this year was probably the best Christmas I've had in who knows how long. You see I am the youngest of 4 kids with a 4 year gap between me and my next sibling. I have always been a bit self conscious when it comes to my siblings. Worried about what they think of me and my life and worried that I'm bothering them (like younger siblings typically do) or that they think what I do is dumb...and it has got a bit tiring for me. Now don't get me wrong. My sibling are great! Ya they tease me but what family doesn't?? I was the one always being a baby and taking it so seriously...
This break I've tried to take a different approach. Not worry about any of that and just be myself. And ya know what?? It was great. I mean I'm sure they think I'm a dork and weird (cause I am) but they love me and I know that. I know this is dumb but...one of my sisters isn't the most affectionate, not very touchy feely (her hugs are worth the price of gold) and I was sitting at the table and she started playing with my hair for a minute and for as simple and as meaningless the gesture probably was to her, it meant a lot to me...and I got to spend a lot of Christmas day with my brother. In a lot of ways we are a lot alike, and it was a lot of fun to just joke around with him all day.
This post has been a bit off topic but what I wanted to get at is...
You always hear people saying, don't judge a book by its cover, or once you get to know them they're great. Well it is the same concept when you reverse it. How often are you intimidated by someone or get the vibe that someone doesn't like you but come to find out they absolutely adore you or they though you didn't like them.
Someone once told me, "I just assume that everyone I meet loves me unless they actually TELL me otherwise"...now I can't say I've been as bold as to take that mindset on, but it is a good one. We spend so much time thinking people don't like us or think we're annoying or how we should do this instead of that to please someone.
I've learned over time (and am still learning) that the more you stress, worry and tiptoe your way around, the more you annoy those around you. I know I personally like when someone feels comfortable around me and can be themselves so I guess I owe it to them to do the same...plus it makes everyone happier and more at ease in the end.
So...instead of worrying about what you and do watching what you say, be YOURSELF. You are wasting time worrying that could be spent having a good time or growing closer to those around you...you're wasting time on false perceptions that could be spent on actual thoughts and feelings.
I have always felt like "a triangle trying squeeze into a circle"...but I've come to know that people like the triangle just fine :D
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Two Babies in a Manger
Okay so I know this is a little long but I ask that you read it til the end. It is my favorite Christmas story and one that seems to choke me every time I read it. I DID NOT WRITE IT but I find it worth sharing...I hope you enjoy it, and MERRY CHRISTMAS!! My only wish is that today we remember what Christmas is about...Giving, loving, family, friends, and most of all to remember our savior Jesus Christ.
In 1994, two Americans answered an invitation from the Russian Department of Education to teach morals and ethics (based on biblical principles) in the public schools. They were invited to teach at prisons, businesses, the fire and police departments and a large orphanage. About 100 boys and girls who had been abandoned, abused, and left in the care of a government-run program were in the orphanage. They relate the following story in their own words:
It was nearing the holiday season, 1994, time for our orphans to hear, for the first time, the traditional story of Christmas. We told them about Mary and Joseph arriving in Bethlehem. Finding no room in the inn, the couple went to a stable, where the baby Jesus was born and placed in a manger. Throughout the story, the children and orphanage staff sat in amazement as they listened. Some sat on the edges of their stools, trying to grasp every word.
Completing the story, we gave the children three small pieces of cardboard to make a crude manger. Each child was given a small paper square, cut from yellow napkins I had brought with me. No colored paper was available in the city. Following instructions, the children tore the paper and carefully laid strips in the manger for straw. Small squares of flannel (cut from a worn-out nightgown an American lady was throwing away as she left Russia ), were used for the baby's blanket. A doll-like baby was cut from tan felt we had brought from the United States.
The orphans were busy assembling their manger as I walked among them to see if they needed any help. All went well until I got to one table where little Misha sat. He looked to be about 6-years-old and had finished his project. As I looked at the little boy's manger, I was startled to see not one, but two babies in the manger.
Quickly, I called for the translator to ask the lad why there were two babies in the manger. Crossing his arms in front of him and looking at this completed manger scene, the child began to repeat the story very seriously. For such a young boy, who had only heard the Christmas story once, he related the happenings accurately -- until he came to the part where Mary put the baby Jesus in the manger. Then Misha started to ad-lib.
He made up his own ending to the story as he said,
"And when Mary laid the baby in the manger, Jesus looked at me and asked me if I had a place to stay. I told him I have no mamma and I have no papa, so I don't have any place to stay. Then Jesus told me I could stay with Him. But I told him I couldn't, because I didn't have a gift to give Him like everybody else did. But I wanted to stay with Jesus so much, so I thought about what I had that maybe I could use for a gift. I thought maybe if I kept Him warm, that would be a good gift." So I asked Jesus, 'If I keep You warm, will that be a good enough gift?' And Jesus told me, 'If you keep Me warm, that will be the best gift anybody ever gave Me.' So I got into the manger, and then Jesus looked at me and He told me I could stay with Him -- for always."
As little Misha finished his story, his eyes brimmed full of tears that splashed down his little cheeks. Putting his hand over his face, his head dropped to the table and his shoulders shook as he sobbed and sobbed. The little orphan had found someone who would never abandon nor abuse him, someone who would stay with him -- for always.
And the Americans? They had learned the lesson they had come there to teach -- that it is not what you have in your life, but Who you have in your life that really counts. We all should give thanks for the people that "keep us"- in life - and for all of God's many blessings to us: freedom from want, life, love, togetherness, and for the enduring love of Jesus Christ, the one person who keeps us warm and safe for always.
It was nearing the holiday season, 1994, time for our orphans to hear, for the first time, the traditional story of Christmas. We told them about Mary and Joseph arriving in Bethlehem. Finding no room in the inn, the couple went to a stable, where the baby Jesus was born and placed in a manger. Throughout the story, the children and orphanage staff sat in amazement as they listened. Some sat on the edges of their stools, trying to grasp every word.
Completing the story, we gave the children three small pieces of cardboard to make a crude manger. Each child was given a small paper square, cut from yellow napkins I had brought with me. No colored paper was available in the city. Following instructions, the children tore the paper and carefully laid strips in the manger for straw. Small squares of flannel (cut from a worn-out nightgown an American lady was throwing away as she left Russia ), were used for the baby's blanket. A doll-like baby was cut from tan felt we had brought from the United States.
The orphans were busy assembling their manger as I walked among them to see if they needed any help. All went well until I got to one table where little Misha sat. He looked to be about 6-years-old and had finished his project. As I looked at the little boy's manger, I was startled to see not one, but two babies in the manger.
Quickly, I called for the translator to ask the lad why there were two babies in the manger. Crossing his arms in front of him and looking at this completed manger scene, the child began to repeat the story very seriously. For such a young boy, who had only heard the Christmas story once, he related the happenings accurately -- until he came to the part where Mary put the baby Jesus in the manger. Then Misha started to ad-lib.
He made up his own ending to the story as he said,
"And when Mary laid the baby in the manger, Jesus looked at me and asked me if I had a place to stay. I told him I have no mamma and I have no papa, so I don't have any place to stay. Then Jesus told me I could stay with Him. But I told him I couldn't, because I didn't have a gift to give Him like everybody else did. But I wanted to stay with Jesus so much, so I thought about what I had that maybe I could use for a gift. I thought maybe if I kept Him warm, that would be a good gift." So I asked Jesus, 'If I keep You warm, will that be a good enough gift?' And Jesus told me, 'If you keep Me warm, that will be the best gift anybody ever gave Me.' So I got into the manger, and then Jesus looked at me and He told me I could stay with Him -- for always."
As little Misha finished his story, his eyes brimmed full of tears that splashed down his little cheeks. Putting his hand over his face, his head dropped to the table and his shoulders shook as he sobbed and sobbed. The little orphan had found someone who would never abandon nor abuse him, someone who would stay with him -- for always.
And the Americans? They had learned the lesson they had come there to teach -- that it is not what you have in your life, but Who you have in your life that really counts. We all should give thanks for the people that "keep us"- in life - and for all of God's many blessings to us: freedom from want, life, love, togetherness, and for the enduring love of Jesus Christ, the one person who keeps us warm and safe for always.
Christmas Eve
Ya know it is always so easy to jump at the crappy negatives in our lives. So easy to see the ugly bad things that happen to us...but what takes time, what really takes thought and open eyes is to see the blessings in our lives. I played pity party for a long time in my life (I'd be lying if I said I still don't have those at times or all the time, whatever.) I guess I felt cheated about my youth for a long time. I felt cheated about my dad, about my mom bein gone a lot, my sisters getting married so young I wished I was closer in age with them blah blah etc etc. When I look back now I realized wow. I had it pretty darn good...more than that I realize wow.
God really had a hand in my life.
Ya my father passed away but I always had a father figure to help play that role...whether it was my uncle Thom, my best friend's dad, my neighbor (the word neighbor seems wrong to say cause they are much more then neighbors). Point is, I always had someone who held the priesthood around me, to show me the importance of having a good man of my own someday.
No matter what the "problem" has been, there is so much to be learned from all of it. Every time life has thrown "hard" at me, God has handed me a mitt to catch it (ha ok so I know that whole mitt thing was a way lame and I debated erasing it but I thought well...I am that cheesy so it's staying) But seriously...I don't believe God is there to take away our trials, but to help us find a way through them. To help us learn and grow from them.
The important thing is we step out of the crap and see the light coming from it, to see the lessons we are learning from each experience. Yes unfortunately we don't see much of the good/light til after the fact, but if we can at least see it (whether during or after), if we can see the growing opportunity, and most importantly if we can trust. Trust that God knows our path better then we do. It'll all be okay and we will walk away a bigger and stronger person.
On this Christmas Eve I just want to say I am grateful for my family that loves and supports me. My beautiful mother who is my best friend, is always there for me, who I can turn to in the oddest hours of the day or night I know I can count on her. I am grateful for the Heaps who have always treated me like a child of their own.
But most of all I am grateful for Christ, I am grateful for the sacrifice that He made so I can have a second chance (or sometimes third or 4th)...that he gave his life that I may repent of my sins and return to my fathers in heaven someday. I am grateful that I am not alone in this cruel world, that whatever pain I'm feeling someone else understands. But most of all I am grateful for His individual love for ME.
God really had a hand in my life.
Ya my father passed away but I always had a father figure to help play that role...whether it was my uncle Thom, my best friend's dad, my neighbor (the word neighbor seems wrong to say cause they are much more then neighbors). Point is, I always had someone who held the priesthood around me, to show me the importance of having a good man of my own someday.
No matter what the "problem" has been, there is so much to be learned from all of it. Every time life has thrown "hard" at me, God has handed me a mitt to catch it (ha ok so I know that whole mitt thing was a way lame and I debated erasing it but I thought well...I am that cheesy so it's staying) But seriously...I don't believe God is there to take away our trials, but to help us find a way through them. To help us learn and grow from them.
The important thing is we step out of the crap and see the light coming from it, to see the lessons we are learning from each experience. Yes unfortunately we don't see much of the good/light til after the fact, but if we can at least see it (whether during or after), if we can see the growing opportunity, and most importantly if we can trust. Trust that God knows our path better then we do. It'll all be okay and we will walk away a bigger and stronger person.
On this Christmas Eve I just want to say I am grateful for my family that loves and supports me. My beautiful mother who is my best friend, is always there for me, who I can turn to in the oddest hours of the day or night I know I can count on her. I am grateful for the Heaps who have always treated me like a child of their own.
But most of all I am grateful for Christ, I am grateful for the sacrifice that He made so I can have a second chance (or sometimes third or 4th)...that he gave his life that I may repent of my sins and return to my fathers in heaven someday. I am grateful that I am not alone in this cruel world, that whatever pain I'm feeling someone else understands. But most of all I am grateful for His individual love for ME.
Sunday, December 23, 2012
I'd like that
Okay so I may be alone in this but man, dating is a tough one...and boy do I over think things...and by things I mean EVERY. SINGLE. THING. When someone gives me an answer my mind is like "well wait did they really mean that? or did they mean this? were they just saying that to be nice? are they just sick of my questions so they're saying it to get me off their backs? should I ask in a different way? should I clarify? am I being annoying?"...well answer to the last one, yes. you are being annoying and just accept the answer for what it is.
It's hard cause you never know if someone is 'playing the game" with you and well people, I don't like the game. I'll tell you what, maybe I am a little too honest but I'll typically say it for what it is.
The hard part of dating is no one wants to seem TOO invested, that would require us to be vulnerable and open...so instead we keep it subtle, play it cool, and keep our pride on that high tower...alone. By itself. (I could go on about the ego thing, but that's a whole different post in and of itself).
So while soaking up the excitement, refraining from comments like "uh totally!", "I would love nothing more!", "that'd be the highlight of my year!"...we keep it cool and say, "I'd like that."
However I found a quote I really like...
It's hard cause you never know if someone is 'playing the game" with you and well people, I don't like the game. I'll tell you what, maybe I am a little too honest but I'll typically say it for what it is.
The hard part of dating is no one wants to seem TOO invested, that would require us to be vulnerable and open...so instead we keep it subtle, play it cool, and keep our pride on that high tower...alone. By itself. (I could go on about the ego thing, but that's a whole different post in and of itself).
So while soaking up the excitement, refraining from comments like "uh totally!", "I would love nothing more!", "that'd be the highlight of my year!"...we keep it cool and say, "I'd like that."
However I found a quote I really like...
“Never, ever underestimate the power of 'Id Like that.”
The over thinking comes on both sides...
when looking for a response, we can't seem TOO interested or excited cause we don't know how interested the other person is. We want them to know we are interested but in a "subtle" way...so we keep it simple with "I'd like that".
but then on the receiving end...it's like oh? you'd like that? that could mean 1 of 2 things, either..."sure... ya, I guess that'd be fun?" or "wow ya I'd really like that, someone finally suggested/came up with something meaningful and I'd really like that."
Ya...now you see why I over think EVERYTHING.
However...push all that aside and just go with it. Don't read into things and just go with what you see. If someone says I'd like that, take is as the 2nd option...they'd LOVE to. I know when I say I'd like that I mean the second one. I would genuinely enjoy it.
I guess the main message I'm trying to get at here is...say what you mean and with that, don't doubt what is being said. When someone says "I'd like that", go with it...don't underestimate a simple comment because odds are, they would actually LOVE to but they're just a little scared to be that enthusiastic and show their real deep down feelings.
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Decemeber 21 2012
They say tomorrow will be the end of the world. I really hope it's not. I mean I really don't think it will be. I am only 21 and although I've lived longer then a lot of other people who have passed on from tragic events...I'm not ready for my life to end.
This post will be short one. I just want to remind myself and anyone who is reading this...live your life, love those around you, take every minute for what it is worth.
I really don't think the world will end tomorrow, so when it doesn't...don't just continue "going through the motions", don't coast through your day. You've been given the chance to really live, to change the lives of those around you...take that chance.
Don't be so concerned with work and studies...I mean yes make those a priority, but make God and your loved ones your FIRST priority. Your friends and family deserve you love and your time.
And lastly, "don't waste time on things that don't matter with people that do." In other words, don't fight, loosen the contention, ENJOY the time you have with the people you love. Our lives fly by and there isn't enough time to waste arguing and fighting about trivial/worldly matters that really hold no precedence over anything in the long run.
Smile...life is good.
This post will be short one. I just want to remind myself and anyone who is reading this...live your life, love those around you, take every minute for what it is worth.
I really don't think the world will end tomorrow, so when it doesn't...don't just continue "going through the motions", don't coast through your day. You've been given the chance to really live, to change the lives of those around you...take that chance.
Don't be so concerned with work and studies...I mean yes make those a priority, but make God and your loved ones your FIRST priority. Your friends and family deserve you love and your time.
And lastly, "don't waste time on things that don't matter with people that do." In other words, don't fight, loosen the contention, ENJOY the time you have with the people you love. Our lives fly by and there isn't enough time to waste arguing and fighting about trivial/worldly matters that really hold no precedence over anything in the long run.
Smile...life is good.
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