Brick In Your Pocket

Today's post is a special tribute to my father.  My father passed away 13 years ago as a victim to stomach cancer.  After 6 short months it took his life.  Loss of a loved one is a very hard thing and something that can take years to get over if you do "get" over it. If you have ever seen the movie Rabbit Hole, there is a small conversation that talks about the pain of losing a loved one and this is what is said.
Becca: Does it ever go away?
Nat: No, I don't think it does. Not for me, it hasn't - has gone on for eleven years. But it changes though.
Becca: How?
Nat: I don't know... the weight of it, I guess. At some point, it becomes bearable. It turns into something that you can crawl out from under and... carry around like a brick in your pocket. And you... you even forget it, for a while. But then you reach in for whatever reason and - there it is. Oh right, that. Which could be aweful - not all the time. It's kinda...
[deep breath]
Nat: not that you'd like it exactly, but it's what you've got instead of your son. So, you carry it around. And uh... it doesn't go away. Which is...
Becca: Which is what?
Nat: Fine, actually.
 This is how I would explain the loss of my father...I go on with life, the way it is now is pretty much how I know it.  Then big events like Sr. day come around, or graduation, or a birthday etc and you... remember him...(ha or that awkward moment on a date when they ask you what your dad does and you have to tell them he passed away...which is fine but you know they feel super awkward so it is just funny)

 I would say it wasn't until I was a freshman in college that I really came to terms with my father's death.  I am now able to think of him and think of happy times.  He is not lost or forgotten, just parted from my earthly presence for a short time.  On the movie You've Got Mail, Kathleen Kelley says, "as long as you hold somone in your heart, you can never lose them".  It is so very true.  My father will always be with me, in my heart.

I know my father is with me and loves me and watches over me and I know without a doubt that I will be with him again someday.  HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!

Here is poem I wrote in 8th grade about him...ha it is super cheesy and not the greatest but thought I'd share it....

Every day he did my hair in pig tails or a braid
He always read my favorite books but, my memories seem to fade.
My memories of this story are extermely slim
So through the very many facts I will seem to skim

I walked into that little room to see him lying there.
Not knowing he was sick, too young to even care.
His days were coming to an end an end unknown to all
His body weak and fragile but his heart so big and tall

My very own hero, the bravest I ever knew.
He would die for anyone, he would've died for you.
As the weeks passed by, the days drew near.
The pain grew strong, the end was near.

One October night as breathing began to slow.
He knew in his heart it was time to let go,
He died that night a hero to people far and wide.
He was my best friend, he was always by my side.

My chest is hollow my heart is broken.
My longing for him will be forever unspoken.
At night I cry myself to sleep wishing he was here.
But now I know deep inside he is very near.

I try so hard to do my best even when I'm sad.
In life I'll always care the most for my number one my dad.