Christmas Eve

Ya know it is always so easy to jump at the crappy negatives in our lives.  So easy to see the ugly bad things that happen to us...but what takes time, what really takes thought and open eyes is to see the blessings in our lives.  I played pity party for a long time in my life (I'd be lying if I said I still don't have those at times or all the time, whatever.) I guess I felt cheated about my youth for a long time.  I felt cheated about my dad, about my mom bein gone a lot, my sisters getting married so young I wished I was closer in age with them blah blah etc etc.  When I look back now I realized wow. I had it pretty darn good...more than that I realize wow.

God really had a hand in my life. 

Ya my father passed away but I always had a father figure to help play that role...whether it was my uncle Thom, my best friend's dad, my neighbor (the word neighbor seems wrong to say cause they are much more then neighbors).  Point is, I always had someone who held the priesthood around me, to show me the importance of having a good man of my own someday.

No matter what the "problem" has been, there is so much to be learned from all of it.  Every time life has thrown "hard" at me, God has handed me a mitt to catch it (ha ok so I know that whole mitt thing was a way lame and I debated erasing it but I thought well...I am that cheesy so it's staying) But seriously...I don't believe God is there to take away our trials, but to help us find a way through them.  To help us learn and grow from them. 

The important thing is we step out of the crap and see the light coming from it, to see the lessons we are learning from each experience.  Yes unfortunately we don't see much of the good/light til after the fact, but if we can at least see it (whether during or after), if we can see the growing opportunity, and most importantly if we can trust.  Trust that God knows our path better then we do. It'll all be okay and we will walk away a bigger and stronger person.

On this Christmas Eve I just want to say I am grateful for my family that loves and supports me.  My beautiful mother who is my best friend, is always there for me, who I can turn to in the oddest hours of the day or night I know I can count on her. I am grateful for the Heaps who have always treated me like a child of their own.

But most of all I am grateful for Christ, I am grateful for the sacrifice that He made so I can have a second chance (or sometimes third or 4th)...that he gave his life that I may repent of my sins and return to my fathers in heaven someday.  I am grateful that I am not alone in this cruel world, that whatever pain I'm feeling someone else understands.  But most of all I am grateful for His individual love for ME.